Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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