she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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