Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
