I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it's like iHOP with fire
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
