I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
