he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
