As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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