my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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