He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
