So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
