I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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