I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
