i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
