Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
