listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
