How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
