Define "chronic" masturbator.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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