Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
