I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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