Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Randomize
