He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
FUCK WHALES
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
