i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
