I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
