I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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