first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
