And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
