hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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