Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
