fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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