this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
