After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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