I hope mine doesn't look like that
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
