we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
