she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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