Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
