Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
