It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
