I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
