butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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