he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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