and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
