tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm too high and old for this...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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