I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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