I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
