Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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