so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
