Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
