What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
