You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is it because I queefed?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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