Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
