oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
