There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
