Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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