maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
