My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
