question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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