I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
