I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she looked like the before picture.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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