just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
