Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
