I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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