idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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