It's a beautiful day for a hangover
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
