watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
