I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
