She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
