i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
