Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
