Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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