its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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