a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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